By Jan M. Smith
My marriage is over
Hold me while I cry
The man I loved never existed
Hold me while my heart dies
The crushing pain in my chest
The holding of my breath
The tears that never end
And anger for a life that could have been
So much information that it leaves me blind
How could he have been so careless, so unkind
To have forgotten his children, forgotten me
For sex with people with no future he could see.
So for my virtue I have won a prize
For my trust and my belief and his great disguise
I will hurt forever and never understand
The evil in the heart of this one man
Who held me and cried when our children were born
Who said he would never, ever leave my life again torn
That professed to me his undying love
Who could have left this home anytime, anytime.
He was never forced to be here, in fact it was I
Who did not want this marriage of doubt , it was he
Who insisted that we marry and raise our child to give him a chance
To do the right thing and I embraced this dance.
But then he used this life to weave a story of strife
To justify his sin and make it seem right
To screw my friends under my nose and smile in my face
All the while knowing he had become a total disgrace.
So, in my older time after 37 years
I am going to pay a deep price for marrying this master of tears
This man who only thought of himself
Gratified his ego and pounded his chest
This man who robbed me and took my life
And sliced it open with his jagged knife
So that the pain would hurt like a burning wheel
In the middle of my heart that will never heal
A master of deception a man who I gave my life
A person with a beauty who took me as his wife
Then cut me to pieces and fed my life to wolves
A little at a time as he licked the knife.
I thought he loved one and my heart was so broken
Had I known there were six I could not have spoken
Or could have breathed or lived or looked in his eyes
That he used to capture others as he did me that first night.