Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Right Now

By Jan M Smith May 2010

I am not so angry with you at this time
I do not feel like I want to shred your heart in your chest
I am numb if the truth be told and feel nothing
And I am not sure if that is what is for the best.

The crisis of always remembering
Of thinking of you being unfaithful and a liar
Seeing you inside my mind with my friends
Making love, or laughing in the night.

Those visions made me want to slap you
Just slap you until you could not breathe
Make you cry and cry like I cry
Make you cry and cry and then heave

But right now I feel nothing, nothing
I am numb and just want to get on
It is an odd way to feel after all the visions
Right now, but who knows bout later on.

Pin Ball Pain

By Jan M. Smith May 2010

In a group from one to the other
Sharing pain fired off in a rapid way
Bouncing from one but sticking on another
Bringing enlightenment and new meaning on Monday.

We are different in the very same way
We are rich and we are poor and we cry
We all have spouses who care more about a climax
Than the fact that they make us want to die.

Our eyes are all tired and they are alert
We are a contradiction all around the room
We are young and we are older
But regardless of our age we all feel the doom

Men children have brought our worlds to it's knees
Men babies and their tantrums need to have a time out
Men tots need their asses kicked
But we all have lived our lives afraid of this lot.

But in this group, one from the other
We share our pain and it is not so rapid this way
Our eyes fill with tears for ourselves and each other
And we go off and come back again next Monday.

Sillie Giggly

By Jan M Smith  May, 2010

Once upon a time in a town that is mine
A beautiful girl was born who fought all the time
Because she felt less than the rest,
She just felt trashy and poor at best.

But as happens so many times with a beautiful girl
After she learned how to bleach and curl
And discovered makeup, and how to tilt her head
Her powers lay in getting a man into her bed.

Now, this worked well if she wanted to get back at a friend
Someone who was smarter, or pretty & doing well on their end
A person she could never be, who had a husband she wanted
She would get back at them through the husband and not be daunted

The only problem with Sillie Giggly was as all liars do
Lies catch up to you and cause you to look like a fool
All over the internet you can find her name
Crying over late house payments, smears on her fame

Sue someone for defaming her for telling the truth?
Go ahead Miss M,  you trollop, IP addresses will be your noose
Dates and times and your account that you used to lie on that site
Will sew you up tighter than Dick's hat band, that's right.

You are pathetic, sad, whiney, all pink and sheer
Your friends know who you are now, a pig, a thief, so queer
Flabby, transparent, holding up a facade
Christlike?  Pentacostal? Oh My God.

Never The Same

By Jan M. Smith May, 2010

I listen to you talk and look at your face
A young woman who is lost, alone in every place
Accusing and critical of most everything I say or do
It seems these days that I no longer know you.

Not long ago I was lost on the edge of insane
Things I learned pushed me hard I fell to the edge of my brain
Waves of pain and shock echoeing in my body day by day
I was too out of touch with the world to be afraid

But in that dark time of sorrow and woe
Riding in that ship filled with thorns, thrown to and fro
As I bled and I cried and I flailed in the air
I was not myself, I was lost, too much so to care.

Unless you have walked in those shoes you can not understand
What one person can do, how cruel is one man
And if you add to this evil mix the fact that I was not well
It was certainly a recipe written straight from hell.

You forget that you wished your family to all go away
You forget that you wanted to start afresh, have a new day
You forget that you envisioned someone else there nine months to prepare
And you pushed me away to have her, but she seemed to not care.

And if in these past two years you have forgotten the ones that came before
If you can disregard the times I held you and soothed you, picked you up off the floor
Sang you a song, kiss your golden hair, made your clothes, held your hand
If those years do not matter, then I will never understand.

No, I will never be the same, I have been changed, my free spirit lost
For believing in love and trust and then have this, it came with a cost
But this is my life and I am struggling and I cannot change what you scream to me now
There is no care for me in you, none, no how.