The Wonder

By Jan

I wonder if she has stepped on the bus
And her look was just a sly eye to the side
And, I wonder if his chemical being gave him a shot
And, of a sudden she was planted in his mind

Then the next time that she got onto his bus
Because these people they ride time and again
And, gave that sly eye and knowing smile was he ready
And, gave it back to her with his blue eyed grin.

And thus has a dance with this person been started
And, he is finding relief from a pent up pressure inside
And he is telling himself this is ok, I am doing nothing wrong
But in fact this is the beginning of his deadly demise.

Does he think of her as her boarding time nears
Or does he think of her and pleasure himself when I am not around
And, with this fantasy is he not realizing that he is planning
To make a second move on her with hope and fear

His illness is about being secret and taking risks
And the sex is about hiding his pain and anxiety away
And this person is a pawn in this game that is deadly
She is the same as he is and she is ready to play.

So, these are the thoughts that I deal with each day
He thinks of himself as different, stronger, not like them
Won't go to the 12 step meetings
And, so I wait for the wonder to begin.